The Rule of Likes

Today I woke up thinking about why we seem to like some people immediately we meet them and just as quickly not like others(that sounds harsh, let me call it distrust). So I decided to share my thoughts on the Rule of Likes…why it is important to blend in with your business colleagues.

Acceptance depends upon the party seeking acceptance demonstrating ‘acceptability’ and that usually hinges upon similarity.

The Rule of Likes

People like to associate with people like themselves. That is the rule. Simple, concise, elegant and true. People prefer people who in as many ways and in as many customs and habits as possible are like themselves. This rule is ironclad. It is watertight and airtight. You can wager your last shilling on it.

The rule has its operation on many levels and in many walks of life.

One of the more institutionalized areas where it is found is in the workings of the ‘Old Boy Network’. An OBN is described as a web of individuals who share something in common; a club, a school, a fraternity. That however is just part of the story and the uninteresting part at that. It is a reliable “marker” for sameness. In other words, if you are admitted to an OBN, it is because you are perceived by the OBN to share its physical traits, its values, its mannerisms, etc…Entry is regulated by the rule of likes: if you are “like” the OBN, you will be admitted to the OBN.

How does this information benefit you in business?

If you can appear to be similar to the party with whom you wish to do business, that party is more likely to accommodate you and your interests. The less alike you appear, the easier it will be for the other party to deny you your interests and objectives. If the other party can see himself in you, he is likely to want you to succeed. The more obscure that vision becomes, the less kinship that party will feel with you and therefore the easier it will be for him to see you fail.

When you learn something about your potential business partner, you should try to harmonize, not mimic the person. If the person wears Italian designer suits, you don’t have to get an Italian designer suit but do get a designer suit. If the person usually wipes their brow, don’t wipe yours but you may want to comment on how hot it is. If you cannot get any info on the person, meet them alert and look out for things that you can quickly adapt. If the person speaks slowly, speak slowly but do not exaggerate. If fast, likewise. Allow the person to feel like they have found a kindred spirit. If he likes coffee, then you like coffee, if he hates sugar, then you don’t do sugar.

Word of caution; wearing the right tie will not transform an outcast into a socialite;-)

Don’t start believing your own pretense. You are not in the OBN, you are only pretending to be. Don’t drop your guard.

Almost OBN is a characteristic not to be lightly dismissed. In the heat of a business disagreement, in the challenge of a missed deadline, in the harsh environment of a lost opportunity, a kinship, however remote, may be the only thing that holds you together with your business partner.